


If He Was Still Here

by periwren



Category: Real Person Fiction, Sander Sides, Sanders Sides (Web Series), Thomas Sanders, Video Blogging RPF, youtube - Fandom
Genre: Character Death, Christmas, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Sad, The Sides are basically me in this fic, based on real life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-09-22 20:00:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17066147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/periwren/pseuds/periwren
Summary: Roman comforts Logan.





	If He Was Still Here

Roman knocked despite the door being open to Logan’s room because it was the polite thing to do. Logan jumped as he was deep in thought and hadn’t noticed Roman standing in his doorway, “Roman. C-come in.”

Roman noticed Logan quickly hide something underneath his pillow as he walked over and sat down next to him on his bed. Logan gave him an unreadable look and Roman was annoyed that Logan had managed to hide whatever it was so quickly. Whatever it was, it was definitely the reason Logan had been acting weirder than usual today.

“Logan… are you alright? Everything Gucci?” asked Roman gently.

“Yes.” Roman noticed how Logan looked away and didn’t meet his eyes when he said that, “Everything is fine.”

_Liar_ thought Roman.

“What’s under your pillow? Christmas present?” asked Roman.

Logan tensed. He automatically placed a hand firmly on his pillow as if he was afraid that Roman might suddenly lunge for what was underneath. But he looked at Roman anxiously, “Um it’s, no – it’s noth- it’s noth-,”

Logan paused and looked like he was struggling to finish his sentence.

Roman looked again at the pillow. Roman bit his lip nervously, he had a feeling what this might be about since Logan was obviously hiding what he was feeling.

“Logan… is it something about Patton?” asked Roman quietly.

Logan didn’t look at him. Roman gently laid a hand on the other’s shoulder.

“It _is_ something about Patton isn’t it? Because – because you can’t even say that “it’s nothing” can you?”

Logan looked away, he had started blinking more rapidly.

Roman waited but it looked like Logan wasn’t going to elaborate.

“This was always going to be hard. It’s our first Christmas without him.”

“I know.”

“And-and even though he’s been gone for a few months now – Logan it’s okay to miss him.”

“He-he wouldn’t want us to be sad at Christmas. He would want us to celebrate just like we always do,” sniffed Logan wiping away a few tears.

“Yeah… but Lo he also wouldn’t want us to bottle up our emotions and force ourselves to be happy. Remember that was a bit of a bad habit he had too. Logan… you’re allowed to feel sad. You’re allowed to grieve.”

“It’s just- I-I don’t want to upset you or Virgil-”

“It’s okay, you’ve been there for us when -when we’ve got upset that he’s gone. You need to take time for yourself too.”

“Roman… I miss him.”

“I know.”

Roman moved closer to Logan and put his arms around him giving him time and room to move away if he didn’t want to be held. Logan however leaned into the embrace and cried softly onto Princey’s shoulder.

“Why did he have to die?”

Roman didn’t answer. Partly because he didn’t think Logan actually expected an answer and partly because he didn’t have an answer. People get cancer. Some people beat it. Some don’t.

Dad didn’t.

Roman let Logan cry on his shoulder stopping to reach over to his bedside table to grab a few tissues as he needed them. Sometime later Logan managed to stop crying and the two just sat in each other’s company.

Eventually Roman asked, “So… what did you hide under your pillow?”

Logan looked embarrassed as he reached under and pulled out three little ceramic dog statues.

They were small, all three fit in the middle of his palm. One little dog had its paws covering its eyes, another one covering its mouth and the last one covering its ears.

“There-there not much. They’re just cheap … but I saw them and I thought Patton would love them and would probably buy them for us as Christmas presents … if he was still here.”

Roman smiled at the little dogs. “They’re adorable.”

“I-I was thinking maybe I could wrap them up and put them under the tree for us addressed from Patton. That’s why I have been so preoccupied today. I wasn’t sure if that was a good idea, do you think that might upset Virgil?”

“We can ask him. He’s … kinda been hiding in the hallway eavesdropping but too anxious to come in here.”

From outside the door close by they heard “Roman!”

Virgil cautiously entered Logan’s room, Logan dabbed his eyes again but there was no hiding the redness that showed he had been crying. Roman grabbed Virgil by his sleeve and dragged him over and shoved him onto the bed between them.  

“You two idiots are so worried that if the other one sees you upset that you’re going to make them upset and that just causes you both to go hiding off in your rooms – alone and miserable and sad. And Patton would hate that. Especially at Christmas. Let’s all be sad and miss Patton together.”

   

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry in advance if there are any spelling/grammar mistakes in this because I cried as I wrote this and that makes it hard to proofread. If you read the tags then you know that I am basically using this as a means to vent and I am basically the sides in this story and needed to talk/justify to myself that it's okay that I bought two ceramic penguins from the supermarket and wrapped them and put them under the tree addressed from my Dad. Because I know he would have got them for me if he was still here. And it's okay to feel sad that he's not here.   
> And it's okay for anyone else to feel sad at this time of year if they are missing someone dear to them.


End file.
